The Doctrine of Total Deprivity

We have a brand new Wegmans in our neighborhood. For the uninitiated and unwashed, Wegmans is the Disneyland of supermarkets featuring a massive prepared foods court with fine dining and a Head Chef who runs things as well as the traditional items you would expect in a food store (fresh Ostrich steak or Emu eggs, anyone?). There are, literally hundreds of little Wegmans elves scurrying about under indirect lighting stocking shelves, making food and performing great feats of gustagotory magic. The whole place is about the size of a football field and is quite lavish as well.

For those of you who know me, it should go without saying that I have become hopelessly, helplessly obsessed with dining there (the Crabcakes are to die for!) .

It is in light of this new consuming passion that Kelly has formulated a new doctrinal statement herewith:

Well, it had to happen...John and I have delved into the DEEP THEOLOGICAL DISCUSSION OF ...

THE TOTAL DEPRIVITY OF MAN

Yes, you read correctly...the total deprivity of man.

Just before heading to bed last night, John exclaimed - "We haven't gone to Wegman's today!" Whereupon I theorized that man is totally deprived without Wegman's. At least the man I live with...

So without further ado, I give you the 4 points in the doctrine of total deprivity:

1. Apart from Wegman's there is no joy.

2. In his total rebellion (not going to Wegman's), everything man does is sin. (What is not of Wegman's, is sin.)

3. woMan's inability to submit to her husband and go to Wegman's and do good is total...totally inevitable. "You want to go there again?? We were just there for lunch!"

4. Our rebellion is totally deserving of eternal punishment..."Dang, now I have to cook! I should have gone to Wegman's!"

Offered with joy during this season of wonderful joy! And offered with tongue in cheek - I admire greatly Dr. John Piper! (and John Kuvakas too!) ...and anticipating tongue in soup - we'll probably go there for dinner if John has his way.

Blessings all,
KK