"So....what's your name again?" - Mom

I went to spend a few days with my mom up in Ohio a few weeks ago. Mom is in relatively good health, for being 81 years old. She gets around some, enjoys going out to "girl's clubs" at the local churches four times a week, does some grocery shipping and makes the occasional trip to Wal Mart. Youngstown is highly geared toward the retired set and is full if facilities for retired folks; nursing homes, rehab centers, assisted care facilities, and afternoon fellowship and activity groups.

Mom is very comfortable in her daily routine and seems to be getting along pretty well. Her struggle is in the area of short term memory. I know a number of people who have loved ones with the same struggle. It's not nearly as hard on the loved one as it is on the family and friends around them. Anything that is out of the ordinary send Mom into a tailspin.......like my visit to her.

This has been going on for a few years and the downhill progression has been slow and steady. I've had the chance to adapt and have come to the realization that it does no good to express impatience and try to explain to Mom that we talked about this very same subject just a few short minutes ago. I can sit with Mom for hours, answering the same questions over and over again.

Wednesday night, we watched "Andy of Mayberry". Four episodes in a row. It was a decent enough show and it was fun watching it. Every now and then, Mom would make a comment like, "Look at Opie! I remember when you were that young!" Then she would launch into some story about my childhood remembered in incredible detail.

The next evening, we turned on "Andy of Mayberry" again. Astonishingly, they were showing the SAME FOUR EPISODES again! Even more amazing was Mom's reaction. She made the same comments and told the same stories from the night before, "Look at Opie!....."

For now, things are tolerable. It takes a lot of patience. I have to keep reminding myself that God has plenty of patience with me so i have no reason to be impatient with anyone else. Mom hasn't gotten to the point that she doesn't know my name but many of us have seen folks that have gotten that far.

I got a chance to talk to Mom, she has moments of incredible lucidity. I asked her if she knew that she was having a rough time remembering things.

"Yes, I know." came the reply.

"Does that bother you, Mom?"

"Not in the least bit! Why does it bother you?"

Why does it bother me? I told her I was worried about her and how she was taking care of herself. She said, "Well, I'm fine. I get through my day very well and I have my friends all around me."

What a blessing! To be surrounded with friends at that age. My cousin, Jimmy (who looks amazingly like me, unusual in that I was adopted into the family) sees her every day and seems to have a gift for helping older folks out, says she's OK but is concerned as well.

My biggest struggle is in how I deal with all of it. My humanness can rise to the surface pretty quickly and express itself. I don't get angry at Mom anymore but the thoughts that cross your mind at times like this are not godly thoughts at all!

Then, there are the questions you ask yourself. Questions that shouldn't even enter the minds of good sons and daughters;

"Will I miss her when she's gone or will it be a relief?"

"Will I be sorry for how I feel right now?"

"Is it better for her to be here and this forgetful, or....."

"How can a good son think these things?"

The more I deal with my Mom, the more repentant I have to be before the Lord. Even at that, it is driving me toward the realization that I'm just not good enough, wise enough or patient enough to handle this in a mature manner. That doesn't excuse me from being there for her or from trying to be a good son but it does require me to rely on my Father in heaven from one moment to the next. Only He can sustain me, only He can give me strength. Only He can protect Mom. Only He can forgive me and only He can redeem this situation.

The real blessing here is in the realization that He is faithful when I am not, He is strong when I am weak and He is loving when I am struggling to show love. I pray that I might honor Him now in how I relate to my mother......and again when my time to be forgetful comes.

Mom and Jimmy, my cousin