A Long and Silent Drive

Ruth went to see her Doctor yesterday morning. The news was good on most levels but disappointing in that Ruth is eager to get the delivery over with. "See me on Tuesday morning.", the Doc said. Ruth has inherited the lack-of-patience gene from her father so both of us are looking forward to meeting little Samantha Paige (who, curiously, may be a boy as the sonogram technician told us that they have never been able to get an accurate determination as to the gender).

With that news, I decided to make my way back to Virginia until early next week, barring any surprise phone calls urging me to make a U-turn and return to All-Natural-Ingredients-Land. As I pulled out of their driveway and contemplated the 10 hour drive, it dawned on me that I had no IPod, no CDs and my radio doesn't work . What was I going to do for 10 hours??!!

Well, after trying to sing to myself, I realized quite quickly that this option not only wasn't productive but also garnered unusual stares from my fellow sojourners in the adjoining lanes. Singing for 10 hours? Not an option.

Then I began to ponder all that I had seen over the last few days. It hit me hard! My daughter is having a baby! Now, I've been dealing with this for some time so the feeling wasn't anything new. It's just that, as the day gets closer, the impact is greater How could my daughter be having a baby? She's only 6 years old! In my mind and my heart, I want to keep her there with all the wonder and excitement of a new world sparkling in her eyes.

I began to weep in sadness at the passing of time.......but it was more than that. It wasn't just the passing of time that caused me to grieve. It was the loss of innocence, it was the separation from her, the coming of age from a toddler to a little girl to a young woman to a mother about to give birth and her independence from Kelly and I.

As I unsuccessfully tried to absorb all this and deal with it, it dawned on me that the Holy Spirit was trying to tell me something. I asked Him to speak clearly to me. Here's what He said, "The Father grieves infinitely more at your loss of innocence, at your separation from Him, at your coming of age and your independence from Him."

Well, that did it. I was an absolute mess. I was completely undone just by getting a faint glimmer of the impact my sin has on my Father in heaven. Now the grief was HUGE, looming over me and stretching out beyond the horizon like some infinitely long dark tunnel I was driving through. I felt total despair and totally empty.

Then came a still, small voice from deep inside, "Don't despair!" Very suddenly, I realized the immense magnitude of God's grace. I began to see that, even though I was not worthy of the slightest consideration in my little self-centered, egotistical, prideful existence, the Father loved me, died for me, rescued me and held me close. His grace washed over me and began to pour into me displacing the junk and filth that was building up inside.

Again, I was undone before Him, this time in a different way. Despair was transformed into thankfulness and gratefulness. The way became clear and bright and my heart was broken and healed all at one time; broken over the things I had done that would cause Him grief and healed by His mercy and love for me even though I had done everything I could to earn punishment instead of grace.

Then I realized I had driven over 200 miles while all this was going on. It made me consider that God loves us while we are living our lives. We don't have to stop everything we're doing to enjoy His fellowship or His blessings. All we have to do is acknowledge that He is always with us, even unto the end of the ages.

In His presence, the drive was neither long nor silent.

7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;
8 we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;
9 persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;
10 always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.
11 For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. - 2 Cor 4